The Time Between Noon and Dusk
by nutloaf
Summary: Eddy/Edd. Double Dee is acting weird and Eddy doesn't like what its doing to him. Its hard for either of them to understand but they're determined to figure it out.
1. Chapter 1

This is an old, old fic…and I'm not a writer by any means. Im sure the fic switches tense a few times… I'm still confused with English. It hasn't been beta-read, so if there are any errors I apologize. Feel free to point them out. Not sure how long this is going to go, but it will be Eddy/Edd eventually.

The Time Between Noon and Dusk 

Brown paper clung to the side of the caramel but he didn't care and he ate it all anyway. The piece was too big to chew and too sticky to suck on, and his tongue worked on mashing the candy while swallowing pieces as they melted off. It stuck to his teeth and the roof of his mouth and he was probably drooling all over his chest but that didn't bother him.

The lightening flashed once and twice and he draped his feet over the edge of the fire escape and out into the air. He tilted his head back against the brick of the building and looked at the clouds beginning to swirl into themselves.

Music played from somewhere, blasting and creating a pulse in the air. Downstairs maybe, or a car or a shop, someone's radio. But that's ok. It's a song he likes.

The cigarette smoke came from behind him and he recognized it, sensed with his eyes closed as Eddy climbed out and onto the fire escape with him.

Ed looked at him and smiled, drool leaking out of the side of his mouth where he missed to lap it up, cheeks full of caramel, and his hair flat to his head with sweat.

"S'going to rain." He spit as he talked.

Eddy nodded as he blew smoke into his face. "Mmhm."

Ed took the paper bag from his lap in one hand and offered it to Eddy. For a moment Eddy eyed the bag; giant grease stain on the bottom, pieces of it missing from the sides, Ed's sticky fingerprints dotted along the top. He wondered how much of Ed's drool had covered the candy inside and realized he didn't care.

Eddy nodded, reached over and put his hand into the bag, fingers sticking immediately to the first piece he touched and he grimaced a little. He put his cigarette into his mouth and with both hands took the candy out of the paper bag. The piece was lined with parchment paper, but in the heat it did little good to keep the candies separated and whole.

"It's melting all over the place, Ed." He grumbled around his cigarette.

"Mmm that's when they're best!"

Eddy looked from the piece of candy slowly oozing out over his outstretched palm to Ed, who was happily slobbering on his own candy. It was muggy up there on the 5th floor landing and Eddy didn't like the feel of sugar on his hands. He spit his cigarette out over the ledge, brought his hand up to his mouth and forced the whole thing in. It was warm and gooey, for some strange reason salty underneath the sweet, and as it covered his tongue he tried hard to chew. The parchment paper seemed glued to his hand but he couldn't shake it off and he was not really finding it all that enjoyable. He looked to Ed but Ed was done with his piece and was reaching for another.

"They are so good, right Eddy?" Ed said with his tongue hanging out.

Eddy slowly chewed his caramel, glared at Ed and wiped his hand across the brick of their flat to get off the wrapper that was stuck to his palm.

"Yeah I know, I could eat them all day." Ed sighed and happily shoved another whole candy into his mouth, not caring about his roommate's lack of enthusiasm or the sticky mess he created on his clothes, face, hands and the entire surface of the fire escape.

It was quiet between them except for Ed's loud smacking of his lips, the thunder from overhead and the music still coming in beats and deep basses. Ed swung his legs happily in the damp summer air and held onto the handrail as he peered down to the ground below. The sidewalk was a deep red brick and the road lined in grey and brown pavers. He guessed it was because of the weather that no one else is outside.

Eddy wasn't thrilled at all. It was hot, humid and sticky and the candy made him thirsty. Double Dee was supposed to be home an hour ago and it made Eddy edgy and annoyed, for reasons he wasn't sure he likes.

It was earlier that morning when Eddy heard Double Dee getting ready to go to class. He was the only one of the three who decided to go to college while the other two got jobs, and even though it was community college, Edd made sure to wear his best clothes and be early to every class. His routine was predictable and monotonous; he woke to the beeping of his alarm, showered for precisely 7 minutes, ate a healthy oatmeal breakfast, brushed his teeth and hair, got dressed and slipped out of the apartment on time to catch the bus downtown. Eddy's room was next to Double Dee's and whether Eddy liked it or not, he woke up at the same time as Double Dee. Eddy stayed in bed, eyes closed, and listened to the sounds of his roommate getting ready. It was comforting in its own way.

Today was different though. Double Dee took too long in the shower, didn't take the time to fix breakfast, dragged his feet to the door and Eddy would be surprised if he caught his bus at all. But it was not in Eddy to worry. And it was not in Eddy to ask what's wrong.

So he waited, sat with Ed on the fire escape and lit another cigarette. The storm overhead was slowly building in strength and the clouds were getting darker. Today wasn't supposed to rain. It was the foreboding of the weather and Eddy felt anxious. It was not like Double Dee to forget.

It was his birthday after all.


	2. Chapter 2

( I went back and fixed some minor things with the first chapter. Not much, but… its just easier to read now I think. )

This is a longer chapter than the first one, and I struggled piecing the middle together so I hope it's cohesive.

Oh, and this '...' is a break in the story. I can't figure out how else to make them, sorry!

I also hope this answers the 'how old are they' question too! Thanks for your comments guys.

...

Double Dee sighed.

The rain came down in big, fat drops, soaking him through to his skin. He cursed himself for not bringing an umbrella as the rain ran under his hat and washed the hair into his eyes.

This wasn't how he expected today to go.

He had been planning this for a while now and hid it from everyone. Mainly he was hiding it from Eddy, because he _knew _what his reaction would be. Anger, unbridled anger, and who knows, maybe hatred as well. It was something Double Dee hadn't wanted to face and so he put it off, kept quiet until it was finally confirmed the day before. Double Dee got the letter. And as excited as he was, he admitted to himself he had hoped he would never see the envelope in the mailbox.

That morning was rough. He was up all night thinking of a way to break the news to Eddy, and more importantly, to Ed. Ed surely wouldn't understand... And as he dragged himself through his morning routine he failed to find a reasonable excuse as to why he kept it from them for so long. So he decided to wait…one more day perhaps, then he'd know what to do. He just needed more _time_.

Readjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder he looked up, the rain still coming down, and he hurried under the awning of a nearby store.

He had hoped today would be the day, the day he would be able to say it, get it out in the open, embrace what should be a good thing. He wished he had said a lot of things, but wishing is far from doing. He sighed again. Earlier that morning was spent wandering around downtown, for the first time in his life purposely skipping school, completely unsure of what he should do. He checked his watch and realized he should have been home almost two hours ago. Standing there he half hoped Eddy and Ed wouldn't notice he was gone and half hoped they'd come find him already.

Eddy had planned on taking him out later that night, to a bar or a club, it was hard to remember. Double Dee was turning 20 but he hardly felt like celebrating. He was never one for having the attention focused on him and when his birthday came around he kept quiet, hoping it would be forgotten. Eddy was surprisingly keen on that, somehow remembering each year; enough to embarrass him in some way that is. Double Dee checked his watch again. He had gone too far into the city to turn around and walk home so he paused to think. He, Ed and Eddy had their usual hangouts downtown and he tried to mentally locate the nearest one. The diner maybe, down the next street on the corner. As he stepped out into the rain again, he ignored the lingering thought that maybe they wouldn't come looking and maybe he _would_ spend this birthday alone.

...

Eddy hated waiting.

He was storming around the apartment looking for socks, car keys in one hand and shoes in the other. It was late and he was fed up with sitting and waiting for Double Dee to come back; he was going to go _find_ him.

Leaning down he looked under his bed, reached under and felt around until he found a sock. Grumbled as he put it on and went to look in his closet for a match to the pair.

Ed was in the kitchen 'baking' a birthday cake. It didn't really occur to him to worry about Double Dee. Not that he didn't care, but because Double Dee was smart. He was sure he knew just what he was doing, because he always did; at least in Ed's mind. And being tucked away in the kitchen meant he was out of the way of Eddy's angry mumbling and ranting. Ed knew Eddy hated worrying too.

The phone rang once and Ed looked to his hands, covered in flour and eggs, milk soaking his sleeves, and he looked around for a towel. The phone rang again, three times, and Ed was still looking, hopping up and down on one foot anxious to answer but not wanting to dirty the phone handle. On the fourth ring he quickly wiped his palms against the back of his pants, wiped his cheek on his shoulder and picked up the phone.

"Hullo?"

Double Dee's voice drifted in from the other side, and Ed could hear the smile in his voice.

"Double Dee! I didn't make the phone dirty!" He heard Double Dee laugh and say something about being sorry. He wasn't really sure why Double Dee was apologizing…and as he paused to think about whatever he could mean by 'sorry,' Double Dee continued on. He was asking Ed something, but Ed was looking at the cake bowl and suddenly remembered that Eddy was angry. Angry because he was looking for Double Dee, and here Double Dee was on the other end of the phone.

"Double Dee!" He screamed again, holding the phone tight. "Eddy is so mad. He looked for you everywhere, but I think he's under the bed now."

There was a pause from the other end. "Hold on, ok?" Ed was smiling, excited that he had found Double Dee, and turned to the doorway of the kitchen. "EDDY! Double Dee is on the phone!"

He heard a thud from the other room and listened as Eddy stomped his way to the kitchen. "Here he is Double Dee, he found his soc-"

"GIMME that Ed." Eddy ripped the phone from Ed's hand and gripped the mouth piece hard. "_WHERE _are you?!" Ed sighed and went back to his cake. This was probably going to take a while and he'd much rather not be involved when Eddy was upset.

Double Dee spoke up from the other end. "Eddy calm down, I'm at the diner downtown. I kept asking Ed to put you on the phone but he was…preoccupied I suppose…"

Eddy shifted to hold the phone with his shoulder, bent down and started putting his shoes on. "So, what? You forget you were supposed to come home tonight or somethin'? Didn't feel like calling?" He poured as much frustration as he could into his words.

"I'm sorry, I apologize I _know_ I should have called. I've just been thinking a lot recently and my mind is wandering…"

Eddy stood up and took the phone in his hand again. "Well un-wander it! I'm comin' to pick you up, got it? You're not gunna spend your birthday at some lame diner."

Double Dee rested his forehead against the phone booth. "Ok Eddy."

"Good. I'll be there in a few minutes."

Double Dee opened his mouth to say goodbye but the phone fell dead. Of course Eddy was angry, he just knew it would only get worse. He put the phone back in the cradle and went back to his booth in the diner.

...

Double Dee ordered a cup of tea and waited. In his mind he went down a list of possible ways to talk to Eddy about the subject. How he could bring it up, explain, reason. But he kept coming up blank and the only outcome he saw from this was a bad one.

He turned his focus to the window next to the booth and the rain hitting the glass. Double Dee had always loved watching the rain, it gave him something to think about, take his mind off of his problems. And he was focused, thinking about nothing more than the drops of water making their way into the puddle at the ledge of the window, when Eddy finally arrived at the diner.

Double Dee knew he was there before he ever saw him, heard the door slam open and listened to him roughly ask a waitress if he had seen him. And he sighed, sat up in his booth and watched the top of Eddy's head wind its way around the tall booths and finally down the aisle to the front of his table.

Double Dee was happy, at least, that he wasn't screaming. "Eddy, I'm sorry, I just…I don't even really know myself…"

Eddy looked upset, but he didn't feel as angry as he looked. He was more so relieved that Double Dee was ok, and curious as to what made Double Dee of all people 'forget' to call, something he doubts Double Dee had ever done in his life. It was hard for Eddy to say anything; he didn't really _want_ to yell but was afraid the more they talked about it the more likely he'd be screaming his head off.

"Whatever." He shoved his hands in his jean pockets.

Double Dee smiled up at him, a genuine smile this time, and nodded. "Thank you."

Eddy stood there and watched Double Dee's face, finding it strange that neither of them were looking away. Double Dee blinked and Eddy sighed, ran his hand through his hair and took the keys from his pocket. "So c'mon, let's go." He motioned for Double Dee to follow but he only shook his head.

"Let's stay for a little while longer ok?" Double Dee slid a little lower in the booth and tried his best to smile, which only succeeded in making Eddy uneasy.

"…Why?" He turned towards the table and sat down opposite of Double Dee. When he shrugged in response Eddy frowned. "You feelin' ok?" Eddy looked closely into his face to see if he were sick, had a fever, maybe a chill.

"No, I'm fine, really. There's just…just something I need to talk to you about."

Something was off. Double Dee was fidgeting and staring in his cup, his posture showing his nervousness.

Eddy froze. "What?" Double Dee didn't usually feel uncomfortable talking to him, and his awkwardness only made Eddy more confused.

Double Dee looked up into Eddy's eyes and that alone convinced him he had to explain, or at least give some kind of explanation. He knew Eddy would never admit to being worried, but Double Dee knew far more than Eddy ever let on. And as Eddy sat there waiting for an answer, his mind raced. He needed to say something, anything, just to get Eddy to stop looking at him like that.

He inhaled and looked at his hands, held them in his lap and spoke slowly. "I'm moving away. I've transferred to a different college over in London…I received the acceptance letter yesterday." He kept his head down and waited. The silence dragged on until Double Dee raised his eyes from his hands to Eddy's face. He had been right about Eddy's reaction; he was _furious_.

Eddy's hands rested on the table, balled tightly into fists. "When the fuck were you gunna tell me?"

"I was waiting, making sure-"

Eddy bent forward, teeth clenched, and interrupted. "No, how long have you been plannin' this?!"

"Eddy, I don't know…It's been such a long process I wasn't even sure if I would be accepted or not. Months probably-"

"MONTHS?!" Double Dee flinched. "And you bring it up NOW? Is this some kinda joke? Shit Double Dee, just up and leave. Yeah, that's real nice."

"Eddy listen-"

"Why should I?!" He nearly screamed as his fist hit the table.

"Because! This is why I didn't tell you, I _knew_ you would do this! I _have_ to go."

"HAVE to go?! What're me n' Ed gunna do?! We can't pay your share of the rent!"

He looked around the diner and sunk low in his seat. "You're causing a scene! Be quiet! I'm not going until the end of the semester anyway, so I can help you two find a new roommate, alright?"

"Look," Eddy jabbed his finger at Double Dee's chest. "we don't _want_ a new roommate. And what the hell is so special about London?"

Double Dee leaned over and rubbed his eyes. "Trust me it wasn't an easy decision…" he ignored Eddy's derisive snort and continued, "I feel like…like. This isn't worth it, Eddy. This _place_ isn't worth it, isn't going to change anything. It's as though life had something greater and grander planned for me, but I threw it to the side like something useless."

Eddy squinted his eyes and leaned back in the booth. "…So… you're sayin'…me 'n Ed are what, useless?"

Double Dee sighed. "No Eddy, I'm saying I think I've made a mistake…not that I haven't enjoyed this time with you and Ed! But…this isn't where I want to be. I want to go places and I want to BE something Eddy." He focused all of his emotions at Eddy, looked into his face and waited for an answer.

Eddy didn't like that remark at all. In his mind he was livid, wondering what could _ever_ have made him good enough in Double Dee's mind, what could ever possibly have made him think that he alone could keep Double Dee from his dreams. It was infuriating and exhausting at the same time and he just didn't know what to say back. He wanted to grab Double Dee by the shirt and yell into his face, rip off that god forsaken hat, make him _sorry_ he just said what he did. But he couldn't. Looking into Double Dee's face, looking back at him for some kind of reassurance that everything was ok, only made it worse. It was definitely not ok. He slid out of the booth, hands in his pockets, and walked out of the diner.

If Double Dee wanted to leave his life, then fine. He'd let him.


	3. Chapter 3

I'm not 100 percent happy with the middle of this chapter. But I've been messing around with it for so long that I figured I might as well post it. Oh well! Hope it's still readable.

…

Double Dee watched Eddy get up and walk away from the table. It was his silence that scared him more than his expression did. An angry Eddy he was used to, that face he was used to, but when Eddy was _quiet_ he knew just how horribly upset he really was. Eddy reached the door of the diner and nearly punched it open, and Double Dee quickly paid his check at the table and ran after him.

It was stupid of him. This whole thing was stupid, their fights were always stupid, and it was so stupid of him to think keeping it from Eddy was the right thing to do. Keeping anything from Eddy always blew up in his face.

"Eddy!" He yelled as Eddy passed his own parked van and continued walking in the rain down the block. It was hard enough keeping up with Eddy walking side by side, let alone trying to catch up with him while he was nearly running in the rain.

Double Dee was breathing heavy and his hat kept slipping into his eyes, his tennis shoes were soaked through and his wet socks were making it difficult to keep them on. He hurried down the sidewalk and when Eddy turned a corner, Double Dee broke into a run.

It was a combination of rain and panic, and the fact that Double Dee was focused on the sidewalk as he turned the corner, that made him miss the fact that Eddy had stopped. He had turned around and was standing there, waiting, as Double Dee ran blindly into him. Double Dee stumbled back, slipped a little in his shoes as his arm was grabbed quickly and held tight.

He opened his eyes to Eddy's face, saw his hair plastered to his head, cheeks red from anger and exertion. Eddy gripped Double Dee's arm tighter.

"_DON'T_ follow me right now." Eddy's voice was almost unrecognizably low.

"You're being irrational…" Double Dee was still worried; this was beyond anger. Eddy let go of his arm and started to walk back in the direction they came from. "Eddy!" He rubbed his wrist. "Eddy would you just stop so we can _talk_ about this?!" Double Dee sighed and looked down at his shoes. He wasn't sure he could fix this or if Eddy would even let him try.

Holding his hat, he hurried to catch up. "I'm sorry, alright?! What I did was wrong, I would be mad too if you had done that to me!"

Eddy stopped walking. It was easy to catch up to him now, but Double Dee was cautious, slowed his pace and stood behind him and tried to catch his breath. Eddy spoke without turning around.

"Then why the fuck didn't you tell me till now?!"

Double Dee was still breathing hard and the rain was so heavy now the sound almost drowned out Eddy's voice. Water was running down his face and into his mouth and he swallowed hard, bit his lip and gripped his hands. "Because I was afraid…because, maybe I thought if there was less time to deliberate, less time to worry and think about all the reasons _not_ to go, that I would just give up." At that Eddy shook his head, turned around and looked at the ground where Double Dee stood.

"Because you knew I'd try n' stop you." His tone alone made it obvious how much he even hated to admit that.

Double Dee blinked as the water ran into his eyes, searched Eddy's face and looked back down at his shoes. "Honestly…yes."

"Well FUCK Double Dee, FUCK. Maybe I CARE. Alright?! Is that the cheesy bullshit you wanna hear?! You've got friends you're fucking ABANDONING to go off to some rich preppy school!"

"….I'm not _abandoning_ you two Eddy, I'll miss you and Ed bu-"

"Then WHY LEAVE?!"

In his mind Double Dee knew the real answer but understood _that_ would be far worse than just moving away. _That_ was something he tried not to think about.

He clenched and unclenched his hands, unsure of what to do with them, unsure of what to say. "I just…can't take it here."

"Do you even hear yourself?! No, fine, I don't get it, whatever." Eddy started walking back to the van again, hunched over and oblivious to the rain. "I'm done with this. You go off and do whatever the fuck you want."

Double Dee followed hoping to reason, plead with him. "Eddy please, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I-"

"I really don't wanna hear it Double Dee."

Double Dee stopped walking for a moment, honesty hurt by that comment. In any other situation Double Dee would have continued, done whatever he could to get Eddy to see things _his_ way, or at least see them the right way. But this was a different circumstance and a painful one at that. "…Alright…"

They made their way back in silence as Eddy walked ahead and Double Dee trailed behind.

Double Dee knew this was how Eddy would react, but thinking it and experiencing it were two very different things. He focused on the sounds of their shoes squelching in the rain and tried to ignore Eddy's near stomping and angry huffing. It didn't take them long to reach Eddy's beat up Econoline van, but Double Dee was unsure of what to do. He stood outside as Eddy flung the driver side door open and got in, slammed it shut and started the van. He didn't know if he should let Eddy drive off or if he should climb inside and out of the rain.

Eddy gripped the steering wheel tightly as he sat there looking ahead. The rain made everything appear washed out and he squinted to look at the road. He could feel the van stutter and vibrate as it sat in park and he gritted his teeth because he really _hated_ waiting. "Just GET IN THE DAMN VAN already!" Eddy turned to the passenger window where Double Dee's face looked in blurred by the rain. He ran his hands through his hair and focused on breathing, unclenching his fists, calming down.

From outside Double Dee couldn't see Eddy's expression and barely registered the yelling from inside. He was glad to get into the van, happy to get out of the rain and relieved Eddy was letting him in at all.

He had barely closed the door when Eddy slammed on the gas, throwing Double Dee off balance for a moment as he locked the door and quickly put on his seatbelt. He was afraid to push his luck by saying anything at all, so he sat quietly as Eddy drove. They were both soaked through and even though it was warm outside with the summer heat, Double Dee was still cold. He shivered and took his hat off, placed it in his lap and pushed the bangs out of his eyes. The ride home was deathly quiet and agonizingly long.

Eddy pulled up in front of their apartment building and parked the van, but didn't turn it off. Double Dee looked to Eddy wondering if he was going to say something instead of sitting there staring straight ahead. He lifted his hat out of his lap and pushed his bangs behind his ears.

The van rumbled as it idled and Double Dee turned in his seat to face Eddy, trying to get him to respond in the silence. "Um, did you need –"

"Just go on up. I gotta go do somethin'." Eddy interrupted.

Double Dee looked from Eddy's face to his hands, saw them still clenched on the steering wheel, and didn't say anything back. He unbuckled his seatbelt and got out, closed the door and watched Eddy drive off. Double Dee could guess where he was going and he hoped Eddy would at least have the right sense of mind to not drive home drunk.

He walked up stairs to their apartment, one step at a time, dragging his feet and staring at the floor. This whole experience made telling Ed seem absolutely horrible.

When he finally reached the front door and found his keys in his bag, he realized he didn't much want to go inside. Eddy he could understand being upset for the most part. Eddy always threw a fit when something didn't go his way. But hurting Ed was awful and he hated himself for doing this to him, for doing it to all of them really. It would have been avoided if he hadn't selfishly kept it to himself and he just hoped it didn't cost him their friendship in the end.

He breathed deep as he opened the door, pocketed his keys while still holding his wet hat in his hand. The apartment was messier than it was when he had left that morning, but he guessed Eddy had done much of the damage. He took his shoes off and because of the storm still pouring outside, the room was dark and Double Dee squinted as he tried to make his way over the piles of clothes on the floor.

He had almost reached the kitchen before the living room lights suddenly went on and Ed tackled him in a giant bear hug. Ed lifted him off the ground and spun him around, laughing and ruffling his hair.

"Happy Birthday Double Dee!!" Ed squeezed him tight as he spoke.

Double Dee gasped and caught his breath, surprised to see Ed's happy face after his fight with Eddy. "Ed!!" He laughed. "Ed put me down!"

Ed did as he was asked, gently set Double Dee back on the floor and patted him on the head. "Welcome back mister! I made you a cake, but it didn't bake right. It was all mushy and liquidy! It feels cool."

From the looks of his clothes, Double Dee could tell Ed had been playing with the batter; not only was it covering his baggy pants, but it was in his hair and all over the front of his shirt. "Well…thank you Ed! That was very thoughtful of you. I'm sure it would have tasted wonderful!"

"It tastes good now! But uh. It's mostly all gone…" Ed rubbed the front of his shirt that was slowly drying and crusted with batter.

"That's alright Ed, it's really the thought that counts more than anything really." He laughed quietly and Ed smiled wide.

But they quickly fell silent and Ed started to fidget. Double Dee looked exhausted and Ed's smile faded. He knew when things weren't right and hated that he usually wasn't sure how to fix them. Scratching the side of his face he frowned. "Is everything ok?"

Double Dee sighed. "Yes Ed, everything is ok." He went to put his hat on the coffee table and sat down on the couch, took off his bag and placed it next to his hat. The stress of the day was finally catching up to him, making him drowsy and suddenly very sad. "Well. For the most part, anyway."

Ed walked over and flopped down next to him on the floor, back against the edge of the couch and legs stretching under the coffee table. "Is Eddy parking the van still?" He asked, head turned back to face Double Dee.

He looked to Ed and felt even worse. "Um. No…no he went out for a bit."

"..Oh…" Ed turned back around and stared at his feet.

"We sort of had a little fight. But I think its better that he's off doing what he's doing." He really didn't believe that, was hoping Eddy wasn't getting into trouble or worse, but tried to make the situation seem better than it was.

"But why were you fighting? Because Eddy was angry you were gone?"

"No…it's because. Because I'm going…" He paused. Double Dee was unsure how Ed would take the news, and he tried to think of a way to maybe soften the idea. But his pause made Ed turn around, put his arms up on the couch and sit cross-legged on the floor, looking very concerned. Ed concentrated on Double Dee's face and Double Dee made sure Ed was looking at him before continuing. He decided right then to be quick, direct, and to the point. "I'm moving away. I've transferred to another college over in London."

Ed frowned hard and without pausing uttered, "It's because of Eddy, huh…?"

Double Dee raised his eyebrows, truly concerned at even the thought of that comment. "…Why would you say that Ed? It's not because of Eddy that I'm leaving."

"But, Eddy always makes you sad. You get sad just looking at him."

That was something Double Dee hadn't seen coming. Had he really always been sad when Eddy was around? Was Eddy really the _sole_ reason for his leaving the country? He knew partially it was; Eddy seemed to be the reason he did anything. But it really _was_ getting harder and harder to be around him lately, to watch him so carefree with his life while he himself was having such trouble figuring his out.

And of course there was the other _thing_. That thing he didn't try to think about to closely. Because he didn't see many positive sides to it, mainly saw more disaster and heartache. But that _longing_ he got was too much and it bothered him to even consider it and just looking at Eddy sometimes hurt.

"See? Like that. You get that face when Eddy is around." And Ed mimicked what he could only suppose his own face looked like, eyes big, eyebrows creased, mouth turned down.

Double Dee shook his head. "No, Eddy doesn't always make me sad. I just get…upset sometimes. Mainly at my self though." He played with his hair and Ed thought about his comment.

"But why?"

He really wanted to answer that question honestly and truthfully, to get it out in the open that he absolutely _hated_ himself for the thoughts he had. "I really don't even know why myself Ed. It isn't very logical of me, is it?"

Ed tapped his finger on his chin. "No, not really. You should find out why you are leaving before you leave."

Double Dee thought about that. "Very…astute Ed. You're right."

Ed beamed and stood up, proud he had helped in some way to hopefully lessen Double Dee's depressed mood. "Well let me know if I can help Double Dee! You will do so well in your new school!"

He laughed and looked up at Ed smiling down at him. "Thank you! I hope you're right about that." Ed had a way about him, something that radiated and seemed to make everything seem alright. Double Dee figured it was his natural ability to turn every situation into a good one, regardless if he knew the right words to say; his actions usually made up for that.

Ed ruffled his hair again and pulled him into another hug. "Alright then, no more of that. What do you want to do on your birthday?!"

Double Dee giggled into Ed's shoulder, feeling a little better than when he had when he first walked in the door. Ed didn't hate him for moving away; Ed was being supportive, and that meant the world to him. But even so, he was drained from worrying, fighting, and from guilt. "Actually I'm very tired. I think I'm going to go to bed a little early tonight."

"Oh…Ok then." He let Double Dee go and smiled. It was Double Dee's birthday after all; he had every right to say what he was going to do. Even if it was something completely not-fun like going to bed early. "If you say so." Looking around the messy apartment he was glad at least, that he didn't decorate.

"Oh, I'm sorry Ed. I know you probably would rather celebrate…"

"Aw it's ok Double Dee. I know you are tired." They had both really had a long day, Ed dealing with Eddy and still covered in cake.

Double Dee nodded. "Thanks Ed. We'll do something another time, alright?"

Ed grinned wide. "Ok!" He always had fun when he hung out with Double Dee, and it was rare to get the boy out of the house, let alone have him volunteer. Ed ushered Double Dee to his room, being careful not to let is dirty clothes touch Double Dee's. "Goodnight Mister!"

"Goodnight Ed. And thank you again for the cake!" He waved as he closed his bedroom door, smile fading almost instantly as it shut. Ed _had_ made him feel better. He no longer felt guilty about not telling him about London. But of course that wasn't the only thing he was worried about.

Double Dee sat on the edge of his bed and took off his socks. His room was relatively dark for the time of day and he lied down on his bed, rested his hands on his stomach and bit his lip. Staring at the ceiling he waited. He waited until he heard Ed getting ready for bed hours later, waited until he heard Ed snoring in the other room, waited for hours for Eddy to come home. It was 5 am when he decided to move out into the living room and wait on the couch, hoping to catch him before he snuck into his own room and shut himself out from the world.

But Eddy never did come home, and Double Dee fell asleep sitting on the couch, holding his hat in his hands and curled up on his side.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry its been almost a year since the last update…my old computer died and took this chapter with it. Its taken me a while to get up the patience to re-write the thing. I had to patch pieces together and I think I rushed it again. Sorry! Next chapter will be up soon too.

...

Ed woke to the sound of his radio alarm blaring.

He slapped at his bedside table and knocked over a glass of soda, a box of tissues, a wind-up metal robot until he found the clock and turned it off with a sigh.

On Saturday mornings Ed went to work at the video store downtown; a job he never minded going to but getting up early was always a challenge.

He rubbed his face with both hands, slowly rolled out of bed and pulled on random dirty clothes that were lying on the floor. He opened his bedroom door, adjusted the tie on his sweatpants and headed for the bathroom. Even with his eyes shadowed from sleep and the living room still dark, Ed could make out Double Dee's sleeping form on the couch..

Ed pouted. His two best friends had been fighting an awful lot lately and it was always about little minor things; someone forgot to do the dishes, someone tracked in mud, someone lost the TV remote. But they'd _always_ made up. Though something about this situation seemed off. It wasn't like either of them to be so upset or to look so dejected; or to run off in the middle of the night alone.

He walked over to where Double Dee was sleeping and gently shook his shoulder.

"Double Dee?"

But all Double Dee did was sigh, bring his feet up off the floor and tighten his grip on the hat he was still holding. Ed shook his shoulder again.

Double Dee opened his eyes. His entire body ached from the position he had fallen asleep in and his neck was hard to move. He brought his hand up to rub his back, to get the kinks out, stretch, when he noticed Ed crouched down and looking back at him. "Oh…" He wiped at his eyes. "Sorry…I didn't mean to fall asleep out here."

Ed smiled sadly. "Aw its ok Double Dee. You didn't sleep in your bed?"

Double Dee shook his head. "No…I was waiting for Eddy. Is he home yet?"

Ed looked back at Eddy's open door and empty room.

"I dun think so…"

"Ah. Alright." Double Dee sighed and put his hat on. "I'm going to take a shower." He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and made his way to the bathroom, careful to step over the debris still scattered about the living room floor.

Ed nodded even though Double Dee wasn't looking him and went into the kitchen to make breakfast. He listened as Double Dee turned the water on and listened as he cried in the running water. Ed hated that noise.

...

Double Dee patted his face dry with a towel, willing his eyes to be less bloodshot and puffy, and willing Ed to leave for work already. Slowly he got dressed in the same clothes he slept in, ran a brush through his hair and went back to his room. Double Dee's mind was racing and he wasn't sure what to do next. Waiting made him edgy, anxious, and nervous all at once. Having no control over what Eddy did and what he did to himself made his heart only hurt worse.

It was lunch time when he decided to climb out onto the fire escape and wait. From his position outside Double Dee had a clear view of the apartment; the living room was only partially obscured by the kitchen walls. Every few minutes he'd turn and stare at the front door. Every few minutes he'd pick a little more at the edges of his socks.

It was dark out when he saw the lights of Eddy's van round the corner, barrel down the street and into a parking space in front of their apartment building. Double Dee looked down through the grating of the fire escape and watched him stumble out of the driver's seat and meander his way to the front door. He held his breath; listened for Eddy to make his way up the long flight of stairs, footsteps heavy and erratic. The night was getting cooler and he shivered, inched over on the fire escape a little more and looked in through the kitchen window at their front door. He wasn't sure what to expect really, if Eddy would barge in and start yelling or if he would be somewhat calm after a night of drinking.

The doorknob turned as the keys rattled. Eddy slowly opened the door and looked around, groggy and hair going in all directions. Double Dee sat motionless on the fire escape and watched as Eddy removed his shoes while trying not to fall over, wobble slightly as he made his way to the kitchen. The kitchen itself was blindingly bright making Eddy wince. He stumbled over to the sink, turned on the faucet and reached into the cabinet for a glass.

Double Dee waited until Eddy had the glass to his mouth before he cleared his throat.

"Eddy?"

But Eddy was caught off guard and he had no idea where the voice was coming from. As he choked on his water Double Dee climbed back inside, laughing at Eddy who was drooling and coughing water all over the floor.

"I'm sorry Eddy, I didn't mean to startle you!" He said as he handed Eddy a towel from the counter.

"F…Fuck you Dee…"

"I suppose I deserve that, yes."

The two awkwardly stared at each other in the blinding white light of the kitchen. Double Dee ran his hands through his hair, only realizing then that he didn't have his hat on. He blushed and looked away.

"So…" Eddy broke the silence. "How many weeks we got till you leave?"

Double Dee cleared his throat and stared at the back of his hands. "About….three, four weeks at the most."

Eddy swallowed hard and leaned his elbow onto the kitchen counter.

"I know, it's all very….sudden. Once my semester is over here I need to fly over and begin classes right away. I'm behind in my studies as it is, and the British curriculum is much more advanced than any we have over-"

Eddy waved his hands in the air. "Yeah yeah, whatever. I get it, you want to be smarter, like that's even _possible_."

Double Dee smiled. "You always had a way with words Eddy."

Eddy looked over Double Dee's face and frowned hard. "Just." He sighed. "Just…make sure you don't drop off the face of the Earth. Ok?"

Double Dee's eyebrows rose. "Am I to assume this is acceptance?"

Eddy snorted. "No, this is me giving up. I can't keep you here."

And Double Dee ran to hug Eddy around the neck without noticing the look Eddy had on his face. "Thank you Eddy, that's all I needed." He smiled into Eddy's neck.

...

The weeks went by fast and before he knew it, Double Dee was packing for his flight the next day. Most of his things he and Eddy and Ed had brought back to his parents house for storage. He could only take the essentials and while it was hard paring down it was nice to think he only had one piece of luggage to worry about.

"Hey Sock-Head, you ready?" Eddy appeared in his doorway holding his van keys, other hand in his jacket pocket and Ed looming behind him. Double Dee's parents wished him well, told him they'd see him at Christmas and to be sure to write when he got to London. They wouldn't be joining him for his big sendoff to another country.

"Yes Eddy, as ready as I can be." He slid his book bag onto his shoulder. At least Ed and Eddy were there for him.

The ride to the airport was filled with Ed's crying. Double Dee assured him he would be back, and soon, to see his friend again. Eddy's hands gripped the steering wheel tighter as he listened in on the two talking, crying, comforting. He didn't like to admit it, not even to himself, but this was beyond pain. This was ripping his heart out.

When they reached the airport Ed helped Double Dee to the door while Eddy found a parking space.

Double Dee held Ed's hand as he shushed him quiet ignoring the stares of other passengers. It wasn't until Eddy found the two hugging that Ed calmed down, choosing to give the two time together; alone.

Eddy stared into Double Dee's face and frowned. He could 'accept' this all he wanted to but he still didn't have to like it. He had so many things to say to him but he had no idea how to say it.

Double Dee reached into his pocket and took out a piece of paper. It was warm and wrinkled at the edges and he stared at it for a moment before looking up at Eddy. He had carefully written his new phone number on one side, his address on the other.

"I meant to give this to you last night, but…I..." He shrugged his shoulders and held the paper out to Eddy unable to meet his eyes. "I know that London is long distance and that it's expensive, but you're more than welcome to call when you'd like."

Eddy looked down at the slip of paper and to Double Dee who had his hands wrapped tight around his bag strap and was looking at the floor. Reaching out he took the paper from his hand and looked at the numbers, neatly written in Double Dee's handwriting. His throat started to tighten and he frowned hard. This was getting too _real_ and he wasn't ready.

Double Dee turned to the direction of the ticket counter and then back to Eddy.

He adjusted his bag, set his cap tight on his head and moved forward. He had no idea when he'd see Eddy again and he knew it wouldn't be forever, but they hadn't been apart for more than a day or two since they first met. Eddy was his family. He walked up to Eddy, wrapped his arms around his shoulders and gave him a hug, trapping Eddy's hand still holding the piece of paper between them. He barely felt Eddy respond at all besides sighing deeply into his neck. Double Dee squeezed with all his strength, eyes shut, ignoring any tears that tried to fall. This was so much harder than he wanted it to be. He rubbed his cheek against Eddy's briefly and noticed that he needed to shave, that he had bags under his eyes and the strain from all of this was written on his face.

And Double Dee couldn't help it, he had wanted this for so _long_, knew this was partly why he was leaving, knew this was all for the best really. At least he'd hoped it was.

It took only a second to bring his hand up and hold Eddy's cheek. He leaned forward for a moment before he bit his lips, pulled back, grabbed his suitcase and headed for his gate.


	5. Chapter 5

Double Dee sighed, rested his head against his dorm room window and looked out at the London street below. He had already gone through his first semester abroad and he was packing to get ready for winter break.

There was a letter on his nightstand that he had read hundreds of times over. It was simple and surprisingly sweet and it hurt Double Dee to even look at it. But Double Dee being Double Dee forced himself to turn the page over in his hands, open and re-open the envelope, fold and refold the paper. Three short words graced the page and as Double Dee read them he smiled.

"_I miss you_." That was all the paper had, and it was all Double Dee needed.

He grabbed his book bag filled with Christmas gifts for his family, Ed, and of course Eddy. Tucking the letter he had been reading into his pocket he started downstairs to hail a cab to the airport. His mind wandered and he thought about his past semester abroad.

It had nearly killed him to move so far away from home. Being away from his parents was nothing new and he didn't really mind that so much. Being away from his friends was a whole new form of pain. He talked to Ed over the past few months, caught up with him, talked on the phone and chatted about life. Both of them somehow never brought of the subject of 'Eddy.' Double Dee was ignoring 'Eddy.' Part of him wanted to see if what he felt in his heart was real. And part of him was terrified at finding out the answer.

When he arrived in London he was excited for a chance at a fresh start. A start that never knew the kids from the cul-de-sac and never knew the secret he kept shoved aside. He was new here, fresh, untarnished. And Double Dee realized he _liked_ that idea. His friends back home were his family but here in London he was alone and someone else. Someone who didn't feel for his best friend.

...

The plane ride home was full of tension for Double Dee, and the cab ride to his house was just plain nerve-wracking. Double Dee longed for the familiarity of his parents house, the warm lights and cozy fire waiting for him next to the big fake plastic tree his mother put up every year. Cookies baking in the oven, a feast being fixed in the kitchen, his Father decorating the living room with pine boughs and big red bows. The smell of Ed's room freshly decorated for Santa, the look on Eddy's face when he opens the gift of socks from his mother.

He wiped the condensation from the cab window off with his mittens. There was something eerily magical about being inside a car while it was snowing. Glowing lights from inside houses were casting a warm glow onto the pink and purple hued snow, the sky a dull orange and pale as the flakes drifted down in feathery white puffs. Double Dee pulled his scarf tight and re-adjusted his book bag on his knees. The cul-de-sac was only a few street lights away and then a few blocks, streets, and soon they were pulling up next to his parent's driveway.

Warm breath ghosted over his face as he smiled, paid the cab driver and hauled himself out and into the snow. He paused to watch the cab drive off, leave tracks in the still falling snow, looked around at the other houses nestled warmly in the silence of the blizzard.

Grabbing his book bag he trudged up to the front door, fishing in his pocket for his keys. His excitement was building, his smile hurt his chapped lips and his hands were too cold making it difficult to work the door knob.

He wiped his cheek and nudged the front door open with his shoulder as he half dragged, half carried his heavy bag in after him. One step into the living room and he knew his parent's weren't home. The house was freezing, there were no decorations hung, no tree in place, no food in the kitchen. Just a note on the back of the front door reading

"Eddward-

We couldn't make it back this X-mas. Money on the fridge, plane tickets on the kitchen table. Get home safe!

-Mom and Dad"

...

On the other side of town Eddy was cursing and throwing a ball of tape across the living room.

"FUCK this shit! Who wants to wrap these fucking gifts anyway?" He held his bleeding thumb as he kicked at the scissors he'd cut himself with.

Ed was covered in bits of tape and brightly colored paper, horribly wrapped gifts stacked beside him.

"Aw, c'mon Eddy. It's Christmas! "

"Not for another two days it ain't."

"But…Double Dee is coming back."

Eddy snorted. "Like he even gives a shit about us."

Ed pouted and wrapped his hands around a bit of ribbon, choosing not to comment on Eddy's remark.

Eddy sighed. "Look, lets just wrap these gifts and give Double Dee a call, ok?" He was nervous and upset and worried about the thought of seeing Double Dee again. Though he was trying not to show it, he was failing miserably.

Eddy had sent Double Dee a well thought out and labored over letter to the address he was given the day Double Dee left. Eddy had held onto that piece of worn paper, taped it to his headboard, and stared at it until he had known what is was he had wanted to say. It was pouring words onto a page as he ripped his heart out and put it on paper. Short and to the point, much as Eddy had always been. And now the letter had gone unanswered; no phone call, no letter back, no nothing. But Double Dee had been keeping in touch with Ed and that just drove Eddy _mad_. Mad and unbearably confused, hurt, and saddened.

Double Dee had told Ed he was coming home tonight. It was nearing Christmas and they had planned a get together to exchange gifts and to catch up. They were meeting at the apartment, Ed agreeing to pick Double Dee up from his house. So Eddy and Ed were busy wrapping gifts, making barely edible food, and trying to make the place look presentable to their overly scrutinizing friend.

While Eddy was wrapping a gift and getting tangled in the tape, the phone rang and Ed sprang up to answer it, leaving a trail of wrinkled and ripped pieces of shiny wrapping paper.

"Hullo? This is Ed!" Ed bounced from foot to foot; Eddy didn't usually let him answer the phone.

"Haha, hi Ed! Its Double Dee." On the other end of the phone Double Dee wiped his nose and eyes with a tissue. He tried to keep the tears out of his voice.

Ed smiled wide and started asking Double Dee questions, what he was doing, what were his parents doing, rambling on about what he himself was doing until he forgot what he was saying and trailed off into silence.

Double Dee swallowed before asking, "Are we still on for tonight then Ed?"

"Oh! Um, yeah we are. Everything is ready already…ready." Ed smiled as he talked to Double Dee and upon saying goodbye he thought of a way he could help his two friends.

He knew in his heart that they needed to see each other and something was telling him they needed to be alone. Ed turned to Eddy and ran his hands through his hair, sighing before saying, "Sorry Eddy. That was Sarah. Mom wants me to help with the gift wrapping this year. Guess I'll be goin' home this year."

Eddy wrinkled his nose and thought about that. It didn't _sound _like Sarah on the phone. It sounded like someone else… He looked to the badly wrapped gifts piled next to his own neatly wrapped ones and snorted. "What, is she _blind_?" He bent down and started putting his gifts, albeit few and far between, under their make-shift plastic fern Christmas tree. "And besides, you're so whipped! You're going home just because your Mommy wants you to?"

Ed was thrown. He wasn't sure what to say, as he hadn't thought that Eddy would object to his plan. "Uuuum. But its Christmas Eddy…" And he did the one thing that could get Eddy to leave him alone; he pouted.

Eddy rolled his eyes. "FINE. Go to your stupid family Christmas full of warmth and happiness. See if I care."

Ed jumped up and down, excitedly asking "So you'll pick up Double Dee?"

Eddy paled. He hadn't realized if Ed was leaving he'd have to pick Edd up from his house alone. "Yeah Lumpy, I can pick up Double Dee." He sighed and went to get his car keys. "Lets go now before I chicken out of this."

Ed perked up at the word 'chicken' and followed Eddy downstairs to the van. It wasn't until they got downstairs that they realized it was snowing, and snowing hard.

"Fuck." Eddy kicked at the snow on the ground before stomping his way to the driver's side and buckled himself in. He was in for a long night, he thought as Ed fell twice trying to get into the van.

...

Eddy dropped Ed off at his house and went to park in front of Double Dee's. But when he pulled up he saw Double Dee sitting outside on the front step. It was obvious to Eddy as he walked over to him that he had been crying.

"Uh. Hey." Eddy stuffed his hands in his pockets and stared at his own shoes.

Double Dee tried to smile. "Hello…Ed's not coming with us is he?"

Eddy looked back over his shoulder at Ed's house, warmly glowing in the snow that was quickly piling up. "Naw, he's going to stay with his folks this year. Just us now."

Double Dee rubbed at his eyes again and stood up. They burned and ached. The more he had sat in his empty house the more guilt weighed on his shoulders about never writing Eddy back. "Eddy, I wanted to say that I'm sorr-"

"Look," Eddy interrupted, "we'll talk when we get to the apartment ok?"

Double Dee shuffled his feet and nodded. They both got into the van and rode home in silence. Double Dee could tell Eddy was angry but he was surprised that he was keeping calm anyway.

When they arrived Eddy silently lead him upstairs and pointed to Ed's old armchair. "Sit down. And start talking."

Double Dee looked taken aback. "Talk about what?

"Look, I didn't drag you from your house in the frigging blizzard goin' on out there for nothing. Now fuckin' talk." He steered Double Dee to the living room and sat him down in the armchair while he himself took the couch.

Double Dee removed his scarf and placed it on the coffee table, put his hands in his lap and looked at the floor.

Eddy took his coat off and tossed it on the ground. "What's your problem? First time you're back from school and you don't want to talk to me. Too good for me now, or what?"

He wasn't sure, but Double Dee guessed it was the stress of the flight home, of finding notes in place of his parents, of being alone all over again, that made him start to tear up again. His eyes burned and his throat became tighter and he didn't want to cry in front of Eddy.

"No…" He played with his fingers. "Of course not." He managed to say before tears ran down his face anyway. He tilted his head down and hoped in the dim lighting of the room that Eddy would just ignore it.

There was a long pause as Double Dee let his tears fall and Eddy waited for him to stop. Crying was something Eddy didn't handle well.

Double Dee finally sighed and wrapped his arms around himself. "No it's just….I…don't really even know. Well I do but…" And fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. He pulled his jacket tighter around his body and sniffed, looked up at Eddy who was sitting across from him looking nervous and sitting rigid.

Eddy licked his bottom lip before near grunting out, "Just say it, I'm tired of you ignorin' me like this."

Double Dee hadn't thought of it as ignoring, but more of him keeping a distance. It really did hurt him to not see Eddy, pained him to hear how he was doing through Ed and not Eddy himself. But it was for the best wasn't it? Eddy didn't want him _that_ way…he couldn't. No one could.

He shook his head. "Its better that you don't know the rea-"

"Bullshit." Eddy gripped the sides of the sofa cushion with both fists.

Double Dee wiped his cheeks and shook his head again, sighing and squeezing his eyes shut. "You don't want to know…"

He could hear the couch squeak under Eddy's weight as he shifted forward. "Whether I wanna hear it or not, at least I'll fuckin' know."

For Eddy, this was how he openly showed Double Dee he cared. He wasn't yelling and he wasn't shaking it out of him.

He took a deep breath and held it, let it out and tried to calm himself. He wasn't going to be able to leave the apartment unless he gave Eddy some explanation. And Double Dee considered lying, saying anything that would at least offer some reason as to why they hadn't talked in six months. But Eddy was staring at him, and Eddy had a way of knowing when he was lying.

"I'm not sure where I should start…"

Eddy huffed. "I'm serious Double Dee, _tell me_. It can't be all that bad unless I did somethin'…"

Double Dee frowned. Eddy was blaming himself for all of this, for the absence, the moving away, the months of silence? He was honestly surprised.

"No…no Eddy you didn't do anything wrong. I did, not you."

"What did you do?"

The tears made it hard for him to swallow and when he was able to it burned and tugged at his chest. Double Dee stared at his hands gripping the end of his jacket, blurred through his silent crying. He just wanted this to be over. But even if it would get worse and even if Eddy would hate him, at least they would both understand _why_ and not be left wondering what had happened.

"Well? WHAT did you do?"

He sighed when Eddy spoke again. He ran his hands over his cheek and up to his hat and took it off, wiped his face and eyes with it, held it there to muffle his words.

"I like you Eddy…in…_that_ way." The room was silent and Double Dee continued. "You're a boy, and I like you, and I honestly don't know why but I do." His breath was shaky and his whole body felt numb. "I…" He shut his eyes tight. "I really…really like you…it's awful, isn't it?" And when Eddy didn't answer he slowly opened his eyes, on the verge of crying all over again, and looked at Eddy on the couch.

Eddy sat there staring back. "Shit…shit." He leaned forward and wiped his mouth. "Double Dee I don't know what you want me to say…" And he ran his hands through his hair, frowning, breathing heavy and looking completely lost.

Double Dee wiped his eyes on his sleeve and choked on a sob, not wanting to see Eddy's expression any more than he wanted to have this conversation. "See? Neither do I…I'm sorry, I don't know what to _do_, I don't know what to say…what to think, what to tell you! This is such a mess…I'm sorry I never should have said _anything_…" He hid his face in his hands and cried, not holding back, gulping in breaths of air while his shoulders shook from the exertion.

Eddy stayed there. It was all too much at once, and he was confused and angry and completely upset but he couldn't get his body to move. He wanted to leave, wanted to tell Double Dee off for even _suggesting_ what he felt, wanted to never think about this again. But Double Dee continued on.

"This! See this…this is why I should never have told you Eddy…it was better to just _ignore_ you, ignore the fact that I …that I. Liked you. That way you could just…move on. And I-"

"Look, just shut up, ok? Fuck it. Seriously, just FUCK it. It ain't gunna happen so just…find someone else to like."

Double Dee tried to calm down before continuing. "I've tried…its been so many _years_ and I just can't stop but I'm sorry I know it's not like you would like me back, I know you're not gay…but you wanted to know why….why I was ignoring you…"

Eddy sat back on the couch and rubbed his face with his hands. "Years? What do you mean years?"

Double Dee's body shook and he swallowed hard. "Since…high school…it's been since high school. Well I actually can't remember a time I didn't like you in some way…"

"ARrrgh. SHIT." Eddy kicked the coffee table. Double Dee winced as it skidded across the floor and brought his hat to his lap. He was still shaking and he watched Eddy bite his lip, hunch over and fist his hands in his hair.

"I'm sorry Eddy…"

"STOP sayin' that. It's pissing me off."

Double Dee squirmed in his seat. "Well…I am…"

"For what?" He said as merely a statement and not a question. He turned his head and stared into the kitchen, head resting in his hand and covering his mouth.

Double Dee could barely see in the dim light and his eyes were puffy and sore from crying. His hat was soaked through with tears and his jacket arm had a round wet patch from where he had held it against his face. Everything hurt, his head pounded, and he could hear the kitchen sink dripping water and the heater click on from the other side of the room. It was unbearably uncomfortable, sitting there, not knowing what to do or what to say.

Eddy spoke, hand still covering his mouth and it was barely a whisper; Double Dee wasn't sure if Eddy had meant for him to hear or not. "Shoulda seen it coming."

Double Dee looked hard at Eddy, waiting to see if he would continue. "What do you mean by that?"

Eddy took his hand from his face and put it in his lap, rolling his eyes and sighing. "I mean you've always been, you know. Kinda girly."

Double Dee nearly flinched. "I am not girly! That's a horrible thing to say Eddy!"

"Why? It's true! Look at 'cha! You're so skinny and waify and you're so damn _sensitive_." He waived his hand in the air for emphasis.

Double Dee couldn't help it when he cried, it just happened. "How does that explain _anything_?"

"Its, you know, a sign!"

"A SIGN?"

"YEAH! A SIGN!" Eddy sneered at Double Dee's face. He leaned back on the couch and crossed his arms, glared and grit his teeth. "Of. You know." And his face reddened.

Double Dee just shook his head. "I hate this. I hate this SO much." He slumped forward into his lap and covered his face with his arms. He didn't want to be here anymore, he wanted to be at home where he could be disgusting alone. Double Dee could barely breath he was crying so hard and he hated himself for feeling what he felt, hated himself for not being able to stop. He felt dirty and useless and stupid. It was out in the open and Eddy knew, had shot him down like he was sure he would, and Double Dee felt completely hopeless.

Eddy wanted to look anywhere except at Double Dee crying in the armchair but he couldn't. He was so tiny sitting there, shaking so badly, and his sobs were echoing in the living room.

Eddy sighed. "Damn it!" He flung his arms into the air as he stood up from the couch, walking from to one end of the room and the other. Double Dee was still sobbing and the room was getting hotter and more unbearable. "Everything is gonna be weird now!" And he stopped by the coffee table and looked down, thinking, wondering what he did to make Double Dee think of him in _that_ way.

Double Dee pulled his head up from his arms and wiped his face. "Well...it doesn't have to be," he choked out between gasps for breath, "I don't have to hang around with you anymore…" he swallowed, "I _know_ it's _weird_."

And Eddy thought about it; the letter that went unanswered, ignoring him while he was away at college, and even before that; in high school Double Dee would distance himself from the parties, from the girlfriends he introduced him to, from the sleepovers they had. And it hurt _him_ to think about all of the tip-toeing Double Dee had done, how he put on a smile when _this_ sobbing mess was behind it all.

Was this bad enough to never be friends again? Eddy had been trying to get in touch with Double Dee for months. And now that he knew what was wrong, he was a little unsure. It was going to be very hard to ignore for the both of them. Normally Eddy could push something to the back of his mind and leave it there but this…this was going to stay with him for a while.

He walked over to where Double Dee sat and put one hand on his head. "Stop it." But Double Dee kept sobbing. "Damn it….fuckin' stop it already. It's not the end of the world…I guess."

Double Dee coughed and gasped as he tried to slow his crying, chest heaving and furiously wiping at his face. "I don't know what to do…"

"…Me neither. Shit. Really, what the hell."

"I didn't mean it…"

"Well." Eddy stood a little straighter. "Just stop cryin' like that."

Double Dee had his hands over his eyes as he tried to calm down. He could feel Eddy's hand on the top of his head, the weight and warmth making his face red and hot. His crying slowed to heavy breathing that slowed to sniffling. He swallowed hard and reached into his pocket for a tissue, dabbed at his eyes that were still burning and gently blew his nose. "Thanks…" It was more of a whisper than anything but he meant it, though he wasn't sure it was even appropriate for Eddy to forgive him.

Eddy took his hand off Double Dee's head and let it fall to his side. "Eh…whatever." He didn't really know where too look or what to do with Double Dee and he felt incredibly awkward. He was afraid to do anything mistaken for a hug as he fisted both hands into his pockets.

Double Dee worked on his breathing, on his tears, calmed down and sat staring at the floor. Eddy stood next to him, silent and looming, but it was hard to tell where he was looking. "I should go…" Double Dee wiped at his eyes again. "I'm really very sorry to bother you like this…"

It had slipped Eddy's mind that in order to get home, Double Dee needed a ride. "Oh! Uh…" He looked to the nearest window through the kitchen but a wall of white covered it from top to bottom. Turning he looked out of another window, saw the snow was still falling in big clumps and flakes. "Eh…I dunno about the roads." He rubbed the back of his head and sighed, mumbled, "Probably a lot worse now…" It was difficult to move his eyes from the window as he thought hard, and the room was silent now that Double Dee had stopped crying.

There wasn't much of a choice. He turned, put his hands back in his pockets and bit his lip. Double Dee looked up at him through his bangs, tissue still held by his nose.

Eddy cleared his throat. "You can…uh, you can just stay here. You know, tonight. I'll drive you back tomorrow if the roads're clear 'n stuff."

Double Dee wiped his nose again and closed his eyes, "No, I couldn't impose like that, really."

"It's not that, I just ain't gunna drive in this so. You're kinda stuck."

"Oh…well. Um, thank you. I…I didn't mean for this to be so awkward…"

Eddy snorted. "Really wasn't a way around that one."

Double Dee nearly smiled. "I suppose not, no…"


End file.
